The First Time He Hit Me

Let’s just say it wasn’t the last.

It’s a day I will never forget.

We were together for about three weeks. He immediately would ask to “see my phone” the second we would see each other to “use it” (he had a phone of his own, yet it miraculously would stop working the second I arrived) All he was truly doing was searching through my phone. Of course, he wouldn’t find anything so he would act like he was finished “using it” and give it back.

Well that day, it was different. It went off. A simple text message of “Hey wats up? Long time no talk”.

The number wasn’t saved. That instantly sent off a red flag for him. “Who is this?!” “Someone texted you! Whose number is that!?” I truly had no idea, I could barely remember my own new cell phone number from moving there, let alone someone else’s number.

This was the first time he truly raised his voice to me, in person. [I had received an angry voicemail from him in week two but we will get into that later.] I sort of just froze there, tongue tied, stuttering. I tried telling him I don’t know who the number was.

“You must know who it is, they said they have talked to you before! They have your number!” He takes the phone and a pack of cigarettes and heads out into the garage. I follow behind, telling him repeatedly that I wasn’t sure who it was texting me and that it must not be anyone important if their number isn’t saved.

He wasn’t having that.

CALL IT!”

Knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong, I did. I called. My heart was racing. I kept thinking to myself “Why am I nervous? I didn’t even do anything wrong? Why is he so angry?” I hadn’t seen this side of him before. “Hello?” It was a man’s voice; one I didn’t find familiar enough to know right off the bat who it was. My boyfriend’s ear was on the other side of the phone, he kept mouthing “Put it on speaker! Put it on speaker!” So, I did.

Making hand motions and mouthing quietly so the person couldn’t hear my boyfriend says “Ask who it is!” So I asked, “Um.. Who is this?” “This is Jay. You don’t remember me? From the party? I got your number, we texted for a little while then you disappeared on me? How have you…”

My boyfriend instantly grabs the phone and clicks! He gave me a look I’ll never forget.

Stern, furious, and before you know it… He slapped me in the face. So hard, I felt as if I had gotten instantly sunburned on my cheek.

“You’re such a hoe! Giving your number out at parties! You probably f*cked him too! Wow! I can’t believe you! How long did you talk to him before you started talking to me!?”

This was the first time he ever hit me, I began to cry. These tears were different. Tears of hurt more than of pain. A crying that I had never experienced before… This is when he said something that tore me, deeper than any surface wounds could.

“I don’t know why you’re crying. Tears can’t save you now.”

I had never felt so low, so hopeless. He leaves the garage and returns to the house, as if he hadn’t hit me at all. I stood there, in shock. This is when I started to visualize that this was just a dream, an hallucination… nope, this was reality, this was my “relationship”…

That day my mind just replayed it over and over. From that point I knew that, “Something just isn’t right” yet, I never acted on it. I had that “gut feeling” that something was off. I would question his “I’m sorry’s” and even his “I’ll never do it again” yet, I never left…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s